I'm Moving

I was going through saved drafts as well as published posts on this blog and it hit me... I've been feeling down for so long. I've only had this exact feeling once before and moving to a new blogging platform actually helped. That was back in 2006.  It may appear irrelevant to some, but its actually good to start something new. And a blog seems like the right thing to do at the moment. In not so many words, it's time for me to move from this blog, leaving A Piece of My Mind behind and moving to A New World, by Zeww. See you all there.....

I wish I could wake up one day and feel beautiful and desirable. Not desirable by the public, but by that special person that I choose. But the problem is, I am notorious for a history of wrong choices. Choices that were wrong to start with and ended up absolutely wrong, which end up in me feeling less desirable, less wanted, ... less of a woman, which is ok most of the time, just not today.

For reality has it, that when I gave my heart to someone, I wanted to know everything there is to know about him; what he says and what he doesn't. And most importantly, why he left. I could always ask, but what if he still doesn't want to reply. Should I go around stalking the hell out of him looking for my  answer? No, I won't, out of respect for his privacy which he cherishes so much.  It's funny that I actually remember a conversation that we had; I said if I was to wish for a superpower, I'd want to read minds and he said that it was a horrible thing to wish for. I wonder why. What doesn't he want me to know, so bad, that he actually thinks its a horrible thing to read? Regardless. I promised I won't ask for something not within my right and so I respect his privacy. Then what? Wait for a miracle? No, I don't. It's not even a hint, its a clear plain fact; I did or triggered something so huge that I am no longer  welcomed in his life. I might as well get it and move on. My brain gets it but refuses to move on. I really want to, I just don't know how when someone left a mark in my life.

Questions on my mind

Tried hard to fight it but I don't have the energy to fight anymore. I give up. I am officially depressed. I keep thinking about my life in the last 6 months, the good, the bad and the ugly and pretty much, in retrospect, it sux! There are two questions that keep going through my mind over and over.
- How much of it was real and how much was a fragment of my own imagination?
- What do/did I do wrong? And how come no one tells me?

Hope you all are having a better day/evening than I am.
Good night!

Someone else for a day

You know those movies when the protagonist makes some sort of wish and wakes up finding themselves in another person's body? Why can't that happen in real life?

I hate my life right now, what do I have to do to  be someone else for a day? I don't care who, I don't care wether rich or poor or where in the world. Just someone else, for a single day.

If that can't happen, you know how at the end of the movie, the protagonist realizes how good their life is? Is there a simulation for that "aha" moment in the non-movie world?

I dont even know the correct word to describe how i feel. Not good. Help and suggestions needed.

وحشتني

على الرغم من كل اللي بيحصل حوليا، اللي مهما حاولت انكره او اتغاضى عن وجوده بيغمرني بالاحساس باليأس وخيبة الأمل، مش قادرة أبطل أفكر فيك، بس متقلقش.. أنا كويسة وزي الفل.

مش متأكدة إذا كان ده حالة ال 

passive-aggressive

 اللي عندي دي سببها عدم مبلالة حقيقي للواقع الغريب اللي بعيشه اليومين دول ولا ده علامة ان الواحد جتته تلّمت من كثر ال

rejection

 ولا ببساطة هي كانت مسألة وقت، والوقت عدى خلاص.

 الخلاصة اني  فكرت مع نفسي مرارا وتكرارا وحقيقي مش قادرة ألومك على أي حاجة. اصل ابقى في حالة 

denial

 عجيبة لو لسة مش واخدة بالي ان العيب في انا، ما هو مش ممكن يكون كل الناس غلط وانا اللي صح لما المشكلة تتكرر كذا مرة. اعذرني.. انا اللي مقرأتش ال

Terms and Conditions

 بوضوح قبل ما اقول اني موافقة. أنا أسفة أني حطيتك في موقف سخيف لدرجة أنك خليت بالوعد الوحيد اللي وعدتني به علشان تفهمني ان القصة انتهت.

بس والله بجد، انا عذراك ومش زعلانة منك خالص، بالعكس، اديني اهو بعتذرك لو لسه بتقرا البلوج بتاعتي اصلا. انت بس واحشني ، وحشتني أوي بصراحة.

 بس متخافش، أنا بحترم رغبتك وقرارك في الانسحاب من حياتي. بس لو انت فعلا بتقرا البلوج دي، متلومنيش اني بكلمك،  انت مكنتش هتشوفها لو انا كمان مش وحشاك

Story of Bo and dog

There was a little boy called Bo and a dog called, well, dog. They met a while back when dog was playing with a ball and Bo helped him catch it and they instantly became friends. Days went on and Bo and dog practiced ball every day. They became closest of friends. Even closer than cat, who suddenly walked away and even closer than all the little boys who played with dog. Of course there were ups and downs, but friends care and work on fixing their problems.

But one day, dog felt that Bo no longer cares, So for he stayed up every night, learning new ball tricks to surprise Bo and make him care again. But when he showed them to Bo, Bo just smiled. It's not that he doesn't like the new tricks, he simply doesn't want to play cause he feels dog is too attached.

Dog smiled and shook his tail, why didn't you say so, he said to Bo, I could always go back to practicing with a tree. I didn't have to learn those new tricks, I did them for you. I could have saved myself the effort he said, and the embarrassment. But you were the one who kept throwing new balls. I'll go back to my tree but please don't throw the ball for me.

Suns, planets and moons and the Just as you are!

Mark Darcy told Bridget Jones 'No, I like you very much. Just as you are.'
That's when her friends asked: 'Just as you are? Not thinner? Not cleverer? Not with slightly bigger breasts and a slightly smaller nose?'


In my humble opinion, there are 3 types of people, when it comes to feeling one's life is full; suns, planets and moons.
Moon-people need planets as a center in their life to revolve around; when there no planets, they feel empty and worthless. They put their whole life on hold until they find a new planet to shower with love and attention.

Planet-people are slightly better, yes they need sun people to revolve around, yet have their own interests and are capable of having a life of their own. They show their love, respect and admiration to sun-people but also admit responsibility towards moons.

Sun-people not only don't need other people to feel complete but also have the capability to spread love, happiness and sunshine to those who care about them.

Until a year or so ago, I used to be a hopeless moon. And coincidentally, I happen to always choose the wrong planets. And those planets made sure I always stayed a moon by killing any personal aspirations or ambition I may have. But I took the major leap I should have done ages ago and broke free of the mental chains and became a planet person. I have my own life, goals, hopes and dreams that are independent of my sun, but still, I need my sun.


Speaking of 'Just as you are' as Mr. Darcy stated, in the past, Planets have asked me to loose weight, grow my hair long, find treatment to get it thicker and give it more volume, change my glasses, get a tan,... etc. Some even managed to ask my to deal with problems I never knew I had, only to make me realize how full of imperfections I am, which, eventually killed any remaining self confidence.

Yesterday it hit me, that those wrongfully chosen planets, affected my life even after I have ceased to be their moon, anyone's moon, even now that I'm a planet myself, but those words they spoke for whatever reason actually leave scars indefinitely.

So now, a sun, that would , not only, spread his sunshine on me, but also have to deal with all those scars left by those looser planets. Sun, should unfairly deal with my insecurities caused by other people and meanwhile, love me just as I am. What the hell, I am such an unfair person!